tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984036839011364325.post1120836820720496890..comments2023-10-17T02:14:37.057-06:00Comments on Spitter's Musings: On sexism and infant lossMr. Spithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534547218292336393noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5984036839011364325.post-55511274436746239992008-04-08T22:10:00.000-06:002008-04-08T22:10:00.000-06:00Hi Mr. Spit. I came across your blog by way of my ...Hi Mr. Spit. I came across your blog by way of my wife. We lost our baby a week before the due date on Feb 6. We are still very much in pain but feel that we are turning a new page. I first want to express my sorrow for the loss of Gabe, and I also want to commend you on your courage on expressing your feelings. I think that you are doing the right thing as this will help your healing. I do not think I will be whole again after the loss of my baby daughter. I feel am forever changed. A good friend of ours told us that you will never get over it, you will just live through it. This is true, I don't think you can expect to be the same way that you were before this loss. I wish I could tell you that things will get better, but I do not know if they will, I know they will be different. But one thing I have noticed is that you are stronger, that the bond between you, your spouse and your family and close friends becomes much stronger. I have felt that things that bothered me before would never hurt as much as the loss of our daughter. Therefore, since we have hit bottom I don't think there is much more that can take us down. I went back to work about two weeks after our loss, but I am still not completely immersed in it as I was before, but I have come to realize not to push myself as hard as before. What helped me a lot about going back to work is just to be around people that care for me. I also realize, that many of my co-workers wanted to help but didn't know how to, but that once I asked they were willing. It started by me just approaching them and just telling them how I felt. I think you have started doing this already. As for your co-worker, he is insensitive and should not pass judgement on you until he has suffered a loss like yours, only then can he dictate how bereaved parents should behave. We had incredible support from friends and colleagues, but have also run into a couple of jerks. But we decided that we would not waste our time with negative thoughts, because that is not the way we want to live our lives, that is not the way we want to honor Serenity Joy, our daughter. I just want to share one more thing, this weekend we held a memorial service for our Serenity and we invited many friends and colleagues. It was very hard to speak and see our friends share our sadness, but it was cathartic. We felt as my wife put it "spread our grief over many shoulders". It was an amazing ceremony, I felt we could honor our daughter and also share our feelings with our close ones. I wish you strength and courage to you and your wife, and in my prayers tonight tell Serenity that she can have a friend in Gabe. <BR/>SerenityDaddyYa Chunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08816837461370619194noreply@blogger.com