Sunday, March 15, 2009

Caesar's Day

Beware the Ides of March. Sound advice, if you're in a Shakespearean play and you encounter some old hags dispensing it.

I've been watching far too much TV of late. This seems to go hand-in-glove with the fact that I've been out of town working far too much of late. But, as my Dad says, it pays the bills. My station of preference when I'm out of town generally defaults to the Discovery Channel, with the Weather Channel a close second in winter. Sometimes though, it's better to curl up with a good book.

I really wish, those several times that I encountered the subject of this blog, that I had been curled up with a good book instead of watching television. If wishes were wings, pigs would fly. There's a banking commercial out right now that shows a man. He's commenting that "That place, where it's not all about me anymore? I'm there." Of course the visual shows a younger man holding his newborn infant while in the hospital with his wife. Just thinking about it, my heart clenches from an invisible hand. My eyes tear.

It's not bloody fair. We were supposed to be approaching Gabe's first birthday. He was supposed to be born almost a year ago. Instead I sit here, with Gabe's ashes over my shoulder. I am still wracked with grief over a friggin' commercial for a BANK for crying out loud. Times like this, the suckage comes out of hiding and throws me around like a martial arts expert, and there's bugger all I can do.

I am not suffering from a knife in the back from my closest friend. No, this Ides, I'm just suffering from the cruel hand of fate snatching my son from my arms. I have to beware the Ides this year as the memory of the loss of my boy has come floating to the forefront of my consciousness once again.


Mrs. Spit said...

I watch father's with their children. I see that commercial, I hear a song on the radio about seeing God in a newborn child, and I think about what my body couldn't give us, what we didn't get, and it breaks my heart.

Jen said...

I'm sorry. I think of your Gabriel often and miss him too.

Lori said...

Abiding with you both, Mr and Mrs.


Beautiful Mess said...

Here from LFCA..I'm so sorry for your loss. Today, I'm thinking about you and your wife and your precious Gabe. I'm also sending peace and love to you and your wife.

FattyPants said...

Happy birthday to Gabriel and many prayers for your family.

Here from lfca

Cibele said...

I so so sorry. My heart brakes for you and your wife.

Amy said...

Holding you both so very close to my heart. March is one of those months I too could do without! Thinking of you both and Gabriel, always!