It's been a long day.
It all started with yet another morning waking up after a solid 7 hours of sleep feeling like I could sleep another 5. Been having a lot of those lately.
Why? Because I'm having a bit of a year. There's something about having to phone your boss and say "sorry, I didn't put that appointment on my calendar and now I'm inconveniencing you" to start off the week. Then have things go sideways with scheduling for a construction project that hasn't even started. I don't like where this is going.
So I drove almost 600 kilometers today. In the rain. Fatigued. It's not a nice sight when you have to change lanes quickly before you climb up the back end of a car that you didn't notice slowing down on the freeway because the eyelids were drooping. I tell you, the adrenaline shot kept me going for 5 minutes!
I think my boss is disappointed in me. Why? Because I want to ensure that I am home for the tree-planting event that we're having in two weeks. He's more worried that a new guy that starts on June 2nd won't be up to speed on pile driving after 5 days than the fact that I am still in mourning for my son. Good lord man, why did you hire this guy to work on a MAJOR freaking project if you didn't think he could handle it?!?!? I told him that I needed to be home for the planting... and that invites were sent and no, I can't more the timing - sorry. He asked if I had anything else coming up that I needed to attend to. Yeah... not so much. Sorry that my life doesn't fit into what you want me to be doing.
It wouldn't be so bad if they actually paid me overtime. Putting in an 11 hour day and I get paid for 8... not even an extra 3 hours at straight time for today. And this is just the start of the summer. I can see myself being busier that a one-armed paper hanger this summer.
I like parts of my job - really like them. Other parts I could part with now and never be disappointed. It's probably not the sanest thing in the world to want to change jobs so soon after my son died. I'm mostly dealing with life now. But why am I so tired? Is this my body's way of telling me that I'm not over it? I don't know...
I feel like the nail that sticks up... I get hammered down before I know what's up.