Thursday, May 1, 2008

In search of something meaningful

It's been a while now since I lost my son. Or rather, since the cruel hand of fate reached out and took him from me. I only had him a very short time before he went home, and there are days when this dwells over me like a miniature storm cloud.

Most of the time, I feel like I am moving forward. I am not, as some might suggest I should be, over it. I am working to get my life back in some sort of order. I get up and carry on with my day, interact with people, talk to people, do my job, go to the gym, eat healthy(ish) food, talk to Mrs. Spit, and generally live life in my new normal.

I've started to think that I'd like something tangible to memorialize my son. My darling wife has a beautiful memorial bracelet. Something about a man in a man's world (bridge construction and civil engineering) wearing a pretty bracelet just doesn't fit well in most people's world view - including my own. So I'm thinking about getting a ring.

I went looking at a jewelery store tonight, and my goodness, there are some seriously ugly men's rings on the market!!! I want something fairly simple, as I don't go for flash in much of anything that I would wear. I want to remember him, not look like a producer for an R&B record label.

Of course, they couldn't give me a good idea of how much things will cost. The fact that gold is reaching rather high values as the world continues to hold its breath about the world economy really is not going to help things. Of this I am sure!!! Especially as I have large hands and will need a size 12.5 ring for my finger... oh dear, this doesn't look good.

See, I'm looking for a nice man's ring. I thinking something with onyx and a small birthstone in the corner or something like that. Topaz, for December of course. I'll see tomorrow just how badly the local store wants to stiff me on this whole endeavor. An acquaintance of mine used to work there, but I haven't seen him in ages. Which is a shame, as I could use a friend in the business right now.

So, I'm looking for ideas. I am in a rut, and as the selection that I saw sucked eggs, I'm a touch disappointed. I want to have a touchstone that I wear, to remind me of all that is good in the world. So that when I'm feeling crappy, I can remember that even in the darkest days of this life, I have a certain hope that I will one day be reunited with my son. In short, I'm in search of something meaningful to memorialize the son that brought joy into my life for six months, and has left me with a persistent sorrowful echo ever since he died.


loribeth said...

I like the idea of a ring. Or perhaps a necklace, a chain with some kind of pendant, perhaps. They have heavier chains for men. Or a bracelet engraved with his name.

I know several bereaved parents who have gotten tattoos with their child's name or footprints or a butterfly or some other symbol representing their child &/or grief (sometimes the couple will do his & hers tattoos), but I'm not a tattoo kind of person.

Good luck, I'd love to know what you come up with.

Tash said...

Here from the Mrs.

1) my Mr. is doing a tat. Hasn't started yet, but has it more or less planned out and is awaiting some inspiration on the font -- he's going to do her name in a circle on his upper arm. He's not remotely a tat guy, but really wants to do this. And I get that.

2) I designed and made a bracelet (pictured somewhere over in my archives) and the jeweler I went to said that they do nice man stuff; i.e., think leather band with a small silver plate with a name on it, for instance. You might instead of scouring the net just shut off the computer and dream something, sketch it out, and take it to a jeweler. That's what I did, and am very pleased.

I'm so sorry you need to think about these things in the first place, and I'm so pleased to see you blogging.

spragujs said...

Owen, I dunno if you have a professional engineer's ring like they do here in the States, but if you do, what if you had Gabriel's name engraved on it? Or if you don't have one, you could get one similar, it's just a silver band, actually, no I think it might be steel!
- Jill (not an engineer) ;)

Bon said...

for my partner's birthday, the one after our firstborn died, i bought him a really simple thick silver band, with a slight flare on either rim, and our son's name engraved inside. no R&B dude would be caught dead in it, but it is beautiful and serves. we have since had our living son's name added to the inside, and are reaching a point in another pregnancy where a third name will join them, one way or the other.

i keep hoping he'll get me something similar, to be honest.

Amy said...

I'm curious as to what you have found. For Shan, we discussed a cremains necklace (William, was cremated, obviously.) He said he'd do that...they have some manly ones out there on the net.

I however, like Tash's idea of the bracelet.

The ring thing is cool too if you can find one that you like and get his name/date inscribed.

I hope you find something you like and will be interested to see a picture of what you choose!

STE said...

My husband has plans to do a tattoo at some point with their names. I know, it's hard to find something appropriately masculine and that will last. The bracelet idea is good, too.

I'm still working on something for me, too. Thinking about a ring (or two), since I don't wear necklaces or bracelets much. I know mens' rings can be iffy, though.

Good luck. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Busted said...

We don't have them yet, but my husband and I are having rings custom made. Each is a simple white gold band (similar to my husband's wedding band) with two aquamarine stones inset in the band, representing our twins (aquamarine is the March birthstone). I'm happy to post a picture once we have the finished products, in case it's something you might want to have made (we had to go to a custom jeweler to create the rings, but they weren't difficult to find online).

nancy said...

There is a site that does men's necklaces with a dog's tag type thing with two tags. The first had the initial of your last name and the second is for the baby, with a place for his name and birthdate. They have another one called a "rememberance tag" which is a siloutte and an angel and date. My husband has one and wears his all the time.

I know you are looking for a ring, but check this out.