It's been a while now since I lost my son. Or rather, since the cruel hand of fate reached out and took him from me. I only had him a very short time before he went home, and there are days when this dwells over me like a miniature storm cloud.
Most of the time, I feel like I am moving forward. I am not, as some might suggest I should be, over it. I am working to get my life back in some sort of order. I get up and carry on with my day, interact with people, talk to people, do my job, go to the gym, eat healthy(ish) food, talk to Mrs. Spit, and generally live life in my new normal.
I've started to think that I'd like something tangible to memorialize my son. My darling wife has a beautiful memorial bracelet. Something about a man in a man's world (bridge construction and civil engineering) wearing a pretty bracelet just doesn't fit well in most people's world view - including my own. So I'm thinking about getting a ring.
I went looking at a jewelery store tonight, and my goodness, there are some seriously ugly men's rings on the market!!! I want something fairly simple, as I don't go for flash in much of anything that I would wear. I want to remember him, not look like a producer for an R&B record label.
Of course, they couldn't give me a good idea of how much things will cost. The fact that gold is reaching rather high values as the world continues to hold its breath about the world economy really is not going to help things. Of this I am sure!!! Especially as I have large hands and will need a size 12.5 ring for my finger... oh dear, this doesn't look good.
See, I'm looking for a nice man's ring. I thinking something with onyx and a small birthstone in the corner or something like that. Topaz, for December of course. I'll see tomorrow just how badly the local store wants to stiff me on this whole endeavor. An acquaintance of mine used to work there, but I haven't seen him in ages. Which is a shame, as I could use a friend in the business right now.
So, I'm looking for ideas. I am in a rut, and as the selection that I saw sucked eggs, I'm a touch disappointed. I want to have a touchstone that I wear, to remind me of all that is good in the world. So that when I'm feeling crappy, I can remember that even in the darkest days of this life, I have a certain hope that I will one day be reunited with my son. In short, I'm in search of something meaningful to memorialize the son that brought joy into my life for six months, and has left me with a persistent sorrowful echo ever since he died.