Sunday, June 15, 2008

Father's Day...

The day is almost over.

It's been an odd day. I've thought about Gabriel a lot today. As I've done different things today, everywhere there were reminders that today is Father's Day. Radio, TV, shopping, going to lunch with Mrs. Spit - pretty much throughout the day I was reminded that today is the day that we as a culture celebrate fathers.

Today sucked.

I wasn't stuck in the fetal position in the corner trying to make the world just disappear. I didn't run around downtown demanding recognition for all of the men who have lost their children far too soon. I just existed. I did avoid going to church today, because I didn't think I would be able to do so well with all of the kids with their parents.

Mrs. Spit has been awesome today. She was similarly introspective today. She wanted me to have a three-month old baby boy today as well. Alas, Gabriel sits on a shelf near me in my kitchen as I type this - or at least his ashes do.

My son has gone to be with the Son in Heaven. I'll never have more than a fleeting memory of him until I see him again one day. And the worst part is, the world doesn't know that I'm a father just like so many men. I'll never be able to raise my son to be an upstanding man and productive member of society.

Today sucked, and I'm glad it's over.


Mrs. Spit said...

I love you.

And you would have been an incredible dad. You are incredible dad - you remember him, and keep his memory alive and with us.

Until heaven, and then forever.

Amy said...

Mr. Spit, I am sorry for not writing yesterday. I guess, I was too busy trying to hold my own here. Seems, the day sucked for Shan too! It is a sucky hallmark day.

However, all of that being said, I know you are a father...I may not know you on the street but I do believe that I could look at you, your face and *know* that you are a father.

It's a belated wish...but it can last for always. I wish you peace today and everyday and I wish you had peace yesterday.

Ya Chun said...

I wasn't sure if FD in CA was the same as here or not. I thought of you several times yesterday. Triple S is also glad that day is behind him. For this year, at least.
Peace be with you.

Galen said...

I'm so very, very sorry for your loss. M and F Days are gut wrenching for some of us, and most people don't even know that. I, too, am glad they're over. Peace and love to you and Mrs. Spit.

Mr. Spit said...

Thanks to you all for the comments. It truly is a "Hallmark" holiday. But it's still not fun being reminded of my loss while everywhere people celebrate Fathers.