Thursday, January 13, 2011

Would that people knew

A Man in Grief
by Eileen Knight Hagemeister

It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief,

Since "men don't cry" and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test,
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.

They always ask if she's all right
And what she's going through.

But seldom take his hand and ask,

"My friend, but how are you?"

He hears her crying in the night

And thinks his heart will break.

He dries her tears and comforts her,

But "stays strong" for her sake.

It must be very difficult

To start each day anew.

And try to be so very brave-

He lost his baby too.

Thanks to Tim Nelson for posting this poem. Thanks to Lisette, for commenting and posting the following information about Eileen:
Lisette said... This poem was written by a compassionate woman, Eileen Knight Hagemeister, who saw the difficult issues regarding men and grief. She wrote this poem to her son‐in‐law after his baby girl was stillborn.
This poem transported me, with tears in my eyes, instantly backwards in time three years to when we were still heavily mourning the lost of Gabriel. I've lived this poem, which is sadly very true. Notwithstanding my baby-loss support group, I can count on one hand the number of people who asked me how I was doing after Gabriel died, as opposed to the numerous others who were only concerned for Mrs. Spit.

If you want to help a grieving father feel even more isolated and marginalized, please, continue to ignore that they too lost their precious child at the same time as their beloved.


Reyna said...

Oh Goodness my friend. (((Owen))) you always make me tear up.

Ya Chun said...

((((Mr Spit))))

I wonder sometimes too if people think they shouldn't ask the man how he is doing? Which falls along the line of not mentioning a dead baby's name because it 'reminds' the parent of their missing baby...

I think Triple S felt a lot of the things in the poem too.

(And you are Mr Spit cause I met the Mrs. first and I just love the name!)